*Journaling*
Cancer. One little word. Just a word. We knew that you weren’t well. Food allergies, the Dr said. For 18 months you were on a roller coaster of illimination diets and tests, but nothing added up and you didn’t feel better. Cancer. I couldn’t comprehend what that meant when you told me. Ok, Cancer. Everveything would be ok. You’d have treatment and you would be fine. You were only 58, my best friend, you’d be fine. Terminal. Inoperable. Two more words. It’ll be alright. You are tough. You are strong. You are my Mum. You are invincible. It’ll be fine. Chemo. Just another word. You felt so sick after every treatment. Some days you couldn’t get out of bed and just when you started to feel better, it was time for the next treatment. Month after month. Good days, bad days. . . . .Very bad days. No more good days. It will be fine. You're Mummy. You have to be fine. No more chemo. I understood you're decision. You asked me what the point was being alive if you couldn't live, couldn't leave the house, couldn't do anything. I understood. I understood and I supported your decision. No more chemo. Nothing to stop the Cancer spreading. But it would be fine. Somehow, it would be fine. You're the best person I know. You're kind and generous and loving. Everything would be ok. Good days, bad days. . . . .better days. Good days, better days, good days. You were feeling better than you had since your diagnosis. You were going out with friends, going on trips and holidays, taking us camping at the zoo. See, I knew it would be ok. You're fine. Good days, better days, good days. . . . .not so good days. Very bad days. You're back in hospital. Just for a few days. You'll be fine, you'll be ok. You have to be ok. I need you. We all need you. You're my best friend. You're my Mum. You're my Mummy. I love you. You're still in hospital. Just for a week or two. You'll be alright. I need you to be ok. You're so sick now. You can barely get out of bed. The constant dizziness stops you from doing anything. You are so tired. You're not ok. You're not fine. Everthing is not alright. You are my best friend. You are my Mum. You are my Mummy. I don't want to lose you. I love you. Cancer. It's just a word. One little word that changes everything.

*Credits*
Marilyn Phyllis Collection